I have been trying to pick a new blog name for weeks.
Nothing I thought of was available. I was short of ideas, short on creativity (it was crushed by all the stress - crushed I tell you).
At the suggestion of a wise friend "Hey Jackass" - though so appropriately titled and satisfying - probably wasn't the best idea when in the midst of trying to get a separation agreement signed.
So what to call this new blog... hmmm.
The kids and I had a rough fall. As we got closer to the end of 2009 I told them that 2010 would be better. It would be a GREAT year. That we would move and settle in and start our new version of a family, just the three of us.
We were almost there. I wonder, looking back, if I knew there was more to come. More hurt. More ugliness. But I tried to hang on, tried to make it a few weeks into January so we could get there, get to that light at the end of the tunnel.
And then on Christmas Day their father left up an email account for me to see - 805 email messages between him and another woman. Merry Christmas, there was nothing for you under the tree, but here you go.
There is so much to say about that. SO much. It comes out in spurts - tears or anger - that I compared to furballs today - I feel like my cats horking up something that is keeping them from breathing properly.
But that is not for here and now (though I fear it will come out repetitively.)
Even then, as I held my head high and wouldn't stoop to the level of this person who looked like my husband but couldn't possibly be him - even then there was more ugly to come for my children.
Two days later he walked out. He told them he was going to the office for an hour. I knew he was leaving and took them out for a while so they wouldn't have to witness him packing. I asked him to tell me when he would be home so I could bring them back.
In the end he didn't leave enough time (really - you need to be at the airport 2.5 hours before a domestic flight... no.) and he left. Left without saying goodbye to them or telling them he was going two time zones away. No, that was left to me.
So my babies, my sweet babies who are no longer really babies, hit 2010 with yet another hurt.
When they began to question when exactly was this new year going to get BETTER (Where is Daddy? Why isn't he here? Why is his job so important that he left without telling us? When is he coming home?) and I didn't know how to reply.
So I said soon, soon my loves. After I've packed up the house. After we've moved. After after after... waiting for life to get better.
I couldn't blame them for saying 2010 was no better than 2009 - it wasn't.
And so I hit on the idea of our very own New Year. To celebrate our new family of 3 in our new (old) house. I proposed February 1st. They were excited.
From somewhere, I can't remember where, came the suggestion that instead of New Year we call it by my last name and New Year (I believe it was my son, not wanting to associate with his father's name. Oh my boy.)
And from there, in the silliness of the drive home from school one afternoon came HUMEYNEWEY. And it stuck.
So it seems appropriate to call my new blog by that (very bizarre) name.
My children are at a hotel with their father. It is the first time they have gone to spend the weekend with him. He will leave again tomorrow and see them again next month.
They are very excited about HumeyNewey Eve tomorrow - and have tried to convince me that they should get a day off school on Monday to celebrate their New Year.
Nice try guys. But we will celebrate. The only way from this point has to be up. And the rest of 2010 has to get better.
