Pop Quiz

So here's your question people:

You have walked out on your kids and moved two time zones away . Never fear - you're going to be a better father because you will now be HAPPY. You will be in town from Thursday evening until Sunday noon. You want the kids Friday after school. When your soon(not soon enough for her)-to-be ex-wife suggests you meet them at 4:00 pm so you can spend some time with the kids before the boy's hockey game at 6:00 pm do you say:

a) Sure thing! I can't wait to see my kids! It's been a month!

b) Sure thing! I can't wait to see my kids!! And I am sure you could use a little break seeing as you have less than 48 hours off a month - I am happy to help as much as I can since I am here!

c)Um... I have a lot to do. You know, now that I have to go and check the attic at the house we're selling.* And ...mumble mumble (some jumbo about work, soon to be ex-wife stops listening because she is sick and tired of hearing what a big deal it is for him to take time in order to come here, he's so important yadda yadda yadda).

d) Um... I have a lot to do. You know, now that I have to go and check the attic at the house we're selling.* And ...mumble mumble (some jumbo about work, soon to be ex-wife stops listening because she is sick and tired of hearing what a big deal it is for him to take time in order to come here, he's so important yadda yadda yadda). AND THEN PROCEED TO CALL UP A BUDDY WHO LIVES 40 MINUTES AWAY AND DRIVE OUT THERE TO HAVE A COUPLE OF BEERS WITH HIM AND SHOW UP 5 MINUTES LATE TO MEET YOUR KIDS.

Are you thinking?

I know, you have to check your normal thoughts at the door here.

Is that your final answer?

AND THE ANSWER IS : d

Of course it's d.

How could it be anything else? We're glad you have some common sense and realize that this guy is a cad and weren't snowed once again like his soon(not soon enough for her)-to-be-ex-wife. Yeah, she's a chump.

In her defense she'd really rather be someone who doesn't assume the worst of someone and can't grasp how anyone wouldn't make the right call here. So she's thinking that she may be kinda dumb sometimes but at least she's not rotten inside. She'd rather that any day.

* You need to understand that the whole attic thing is NOT HIS FAULT. He asked a buddy** to check it - and geez that buddy forgot to check it. Hard to get good friends these days. Good thing that he breezed into town in order to save the day and find the 3 very very dead mice that have been there undoubtedly for months. He's a HERO! (Dear Readers - yes, you are right. He was living in the house up until 7 weeks ago. And yes, he did tell his soon (not soon enough for her)-to-be ex-wife that he'd been checking the traps regularly and that they were empty so he'd taken them down since they had peanut butter in them and the thought of that up there for months on end - try not to think of the dead mice - is just gross. You make a valid point but he doesn't function well in reality - only in his little fantasy world where he is a HERO! Yippee!)

** Buddy is a GREAT GUY. A really great guy who spent 4 evenings and a complete weekend cleaning out jackass's crap and painting etc even once jackass had left. He is one of the most conscientious people I've met (and I've known him for 14 years) and must be suffering from some debilitating mental illness at the moment since he seems to have "forgotten" a bunch of other stuff that he promised to do. We have to go easy on him. (Get that thought out of your brain - NO! Really? You think that Jackass might not have asked him to do all those things? Shhhh... stop that. No, I know. I think so too. But that kind of thinking is not permitted in Never Never Land!)

my get up and go got up and left

I am not having a good morning. I am tired - I stayed up too late reading. A good book, a book that helped me see some light that I needed to see, but I am tired.

Stu had hockey. They tied - not bad except it's only the 3rd time all year they haven't won. When they don't win he feels it hard - it's one thing to be riding the wave of winning but when they don't... well then he sees all the other dads in the dressing room cheering their kids up. And for some reason I just don't cut it.

Our neighbours came to the game which was not good for Julia. She had pompoms to cheer with for her and the little girl but the little girl wanted to play with another little friend. So Julia ended up left out - I feel for her but she did nothing to really be included. So she is miserable and I can't help her. I can't make friends for her. I can suggest how she can act but she doesn't want to hear it.

I am down down down in the dumps. I need to get my at together and do things, but I don't seem to be able to do anything but feel like crying. The glass is half empty for sure - and I hate when I am like this.

Onwards and upwards... does it have to be this difficult? I know it does and that I don't have it nearly as bad as some but I am tired today. Tired to the bone.

Email I would love to send

Hey Jackass,

I thought you should know that B had to come and pick up the key this evening in order to get into the house on Winnegreen. The key you gave him - the one with the key chain from Colombia - is S (our Colombian neighbour) from #78's house key.

He spent over 3 hours at the house or running errands for the house tonight. He has grouted the kitchen with what grout was left, but there is a patch that is not done. He has replaced the screen in the fluorescent light in the kitchen. He has tried to clean up the patching on the walls - however he has not painted in the hallways, the kids rooms or in the master bedroom - because he had no paint. I guess you didn't bother to check if the paint was left over in the basement. Those colours were not there.

So I will go and buy paint tomorrow and I will do it. I will do it while both Julia and I have a cold. While I am trying to sort out what is left in the house because I can't make rhyme nor reason of what you have done with everything in there. And I guess I will rent a dumpster to take away the rest of your things.

I tried to pay B tonight for what he purchased at home depot. He says you gave him things out of the house that you weren't taking - well did you bother to ask me if they were things I wanted? You make this "magnanimous" gesture about letting me keep the contents of the house (translation - you can't be bothered to clean anything up) but then you give things away - please don't patronize me by saying my snowshoes were moved to B's by "mistake".

You were supposed to clean out the garage and get rid of the junk. You were supposed to take care of painting the walls and re-grouting along the kitchen countertop. You were supposed to have the carpets cleaned and get rid of your stuff - not leave it behind for me to deal with - I still have to go through and get rid of your books and such. From what I can see you threw away some of the garbage in the garage (or did B do it?) and made more of a mess in the house than it was when you found it and left me holding the bag again. And the carpets have not been cleaned.

I cannot get over your complete and total lack of responsibility towards me, the kids and the matter of selling the house. If you had any common decency you would have stayed and helped them through the packing and the move. If you had any decency you would have come and asked me how to help and made yourself available to the kids so I could get some unpacking done and their home in some semblance of order for them. But instead you come and don't make time to even get the necessary things done to put the house on the market. Yet you have time to go to a Fraternity Alumni meeting. I won't even address your lack of priorities.

You have no idea the stress you have put this family under. You are choosing not to see how your careless disregard towards your children and their mother has affected them. They have been through more in the past month than they needed to - you are selfish and self-serving and can only see your own needs in life. This on top of the lack of respect and self-absorption you have displayed over the last few months is truly dismal.

This is the last time I will ever bail you out. This is the last time I will ever have to put up with your failure to fulfill your duties. You are all talk and no action - you cannot follow through on anything you say you will do. You committed to staying until June- not only did you tell the kids you were moving January 1st without having a job, you then turned around and told them that you would be here for at least half the time until June - and then turned around and left without even saying good-bye to them.

I have more class than to fight over whatever you gave to B. I have more principles than to ask a friend who helped for things back. But I will have it noted in the agreement that you chose to give away certain articles and that you left the rest for me to dispose of. You are not the noble hero here leaving me everything - you are the lazy self-serving egotist who couldn't be bothered dispose of his own stuff.

I am no longer willing to share the proceeds from anything that is sold from the contents of the house. I made that agreement in good faith based on your promises to help with what was left of the house. You failed to fulfill your end of the bargain and I have learned - yet again - that good faith holds no stead with you. You are not worthy of my good faith and you will get no more of it.

I would like to know when you have called the mediator and how and when we will negotiate our separation agreement. If we are unable to do so could you please advise me of who your lawyer will be and I will have my lawyer deal with him or her directly.

In the meantime I will forward you my bank account details by separate email so that you can commence payments "without prejudice" to support your children.

I have really had enough of this behaviour now. As I said on Wednesday I have given you everything you have asked for. I would appreciate you showing me even half the respect and common courtesy I have shown you and get this matter resolved so I can move on with my life.

Signed,

I can't wait to be done with you