In October - when we were still doing our Saturday Family Movie Night - I rented Imagine That. Eddie Murphy as a divorced workaholic who discovers that his daughter is way more important than his career. Yeah, we watched that one with the father of my children and as soon as it was over he got up and said he had to go to the office. Apparently that touching scene at the end when Eddie Murphy tells his new boss that he is with his family and work will have to wait - well apparently that did not warm his heart.
Tonight we watched Old Dogs. In my defence NOWHERE on the case does it say that Robin Williams is the DAD. It says that it's two old bachelors who get saddled with twins and hilarity ensues... which is true, there are some pretty funny scenes.
Not funny? Not funny that the dad chooses to move to Japan then realizes his mistake and moves to Vermont to be near his kids - even if they don't want to see him. Not funny. Luckily Julia had gone to bed.
I know not everyone's situation is like ours. And I know that most dads don't mess up like my kids' dad. But really - with the amount of divorce out there, the number of dads that aren't around, the number of deadbeat dads... really? Does Disney have to romanticize fatherhood so much? Really, just try it guys, you don't think you want to be a father but once you are - hey! You'll see the light! Change your life! Be a better person.
It's not the reality. I don't have facts or figures to quote. But after the movie was over Stuart asked me if I know of any single dads. I thought about it... hmmmm. What would qualify a dad to be a single dad? That he's divorced and takes more than 50% of the child rearing? Because no, I don't know any of those.
I'm not trying to slam men here. I understand that divorce happens and that some men can come out of it as better parents. That's the kind of story you like to hear. Dads who have or get their acts together and really parent. Dads who are good dads regardless of whether or not they are with the mother of their children. I know a lot of really great fathers.
In my case I sat here holding the hand of a young boy whose father is the anti-thesis of the dad in the movie. He said he wanted kids. He talked the talk but couldn't walk the walk. Couldn't give them the time when he was here. And now he's chosen to live 2600km - two time zones - from his children. He's going to be a 36 hour a month dad.
Unfortunately I think that is far more the norm than the pretty picture Disney painted in Old Dogs. I don't want to know the numbers - they would depress me.
I just don't think we should be putting these fantasy fathers out there for kids who may well have been hurt already. Kids that probably already feel like there is something wrong with them that their dad is not that interested.
Because if other split families are like mine it's probably dad taking the kids to see the movie - great way to be with your kids without actually having to engage.
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